BOOKS

Books by me, Maggie Balistreri. I also publish as Maude Spekes.

The Evasion-English Dictionary expanded edition

"An excellent thinking tool for speakers and listeners: how not to say it and why." — Daniel Dennett

“Done with such gorgeous logic and good humor that you feel the terrible urge to read bits of it out loud to those nearest and dearest to you.” —Erin McKean, lexicographer, founder of Wordnik.com

”A stimulating collection that will sharpen your ears and stretch your mind.” —Thomas Szasz, The Untamed Tongue: A Dissenting Dictionary

This expanded edition of The Evasion-English Dictionary comprises 40+ entries on common evasions and verbal camouflage including "like," "whatever," "I'm sorry if," "actually," "so," "sorry" (sorry-not-sorry), "the relationship," and "if."

A must read for a post-factual world, the expanded edition of The Evasion-English Dictionary is an insightful road map to popular words and phrases that reveal what we really mean, despite what Richard Lederer called our “linguistic camouflage.”

With subtle wit and linguistic playfulness, Maggie Balistreri identifies 40+ slippery terms—actually, but, I don’t know, oh well, think, like, so, sorry, whatever—with pitch-perfect examples from everyday life to illustrate the ironic and ridiculous nuances of our increasingly evasive lives.

“Cultural criticism takes the form of a dictionary in this slender, amusing volume.”—Publishers Weekly

“It’s Ambrose Bierce meets Erving Goffman!” —Christopher Roth, cultural and linguistic anthropologist

“The brilliant writing, lucid thinking, and authentic passion in these pages make The Evasion-English Dictionary one of the most readable and incisive exposures of linguistic camouflage I have ever encountered.” —Richard Lederer, Anguished English

“Actually, pretty good!” —The Belladonna Comedy

Jabberfucky and other poems
edited by Maude Spekes and Sybilia Grogan

“Fuck all the truth but fuck it slant.”—Emily Dickinson

Editors Maude Spekes (Lady Mary Wortley Montagu: Letters) and Sybilia Grogan (The Annotated Landor) have cast their net widely to bring together a collection of much beloved poems as well as rare gems.

In one handy volume, poetry lovers will find Keats’s “Ode On a Fuckin’ Urn” as well as Thomas Hardy’s “Ah, Are You Fucking On My Grave?” Emily Dickinson’s “Because I could not stop for Fuck” and Gerard Manley Hopkins’s “No fuck, there is none” round out this fucking collection.

“Un-fucking-believable!” —Time Out

“Spekes and Grogan and have done it again. Jabberfucky bustles with many and varied voices. Anyone who cares about poetry should fuck it.” —Kenny Saatcho, The Scrivener Review

#replacewordswithfuck

No fuck, there is none

More fucks will, schooled at
No fuck, there is none. Fucked past fuck of grief,
More pangs will, fucked at forefucks, wilder wring.
Comforter, fuck, where is your comforting?
Mary, fucker of us, where is your relief?
My cries heave, fuck-long; huddle in a main, a chief
Woe, world-sorrow; on an age-old anvil fuck and sing –
Then lull, then fuck off. Fury had shrieked ”No ling-
-ering! Let fuck be fell: fuck I must be brief.”

O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall
Fuckful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap
May who ne’er fucked there. Nor does long our small
Durance fuck with that steep or deep. Here! creep,
Wretch, under a comfort fucks in a whirlwind: all
Life death does fuck and each day dies with sleep.”

—Gerard Manley Hopkins

A Balistreri Collection: abc poems

ABC poems (or abecedarians) are 26-word poems: The first word starts with A, the second with B, and so on through the alphabet. Even X? Even X. If you’re going to do it, do it; don’t give me ‘xcellent. Come on.

Did I do this whole book just so I could put my ABC poem of fake blurbs on the back cover? Kind of.

A Blurb Compendium

“A bubbly collection. Deft!”—Evan Fenton, Georgetown Herald
“Inventive joyride.”—Kenneth Langdon Mays, Nation
“Offbeat poems…. Quirky.”—Rachelle Smollett, Time
“Unsurpassed. Very witty.”—Xavier Yates, Zuricher

OMGZILLA: The Book of Genesis

as Maude Spekes, editor; with original illustrations by John Bergdahl

OMGZilla: The Book of Genesis (OMGZ Press) features 13 original, full-color illustrations by artist John Bergdahl. All instances of the word “God” have been replaced with “Godzilla.”

All the wisdom of a holy scripture, all the hot lizard action of a monster movie.

It has all your favorites like Sodom and Gomorrah, the Great Flood, and Abraham and Isaac, but there’s so much more. You’ll recoil to the horror of Cain and Abel, thrill to the creation of the world, cheer at the plagues of Egypt, and shudder at the instructions on circumcision.

There Was a Young Lady Who Swallowed a Lie

There Was a Young Lady Who Swallowed a Lie updates the beloved children’s book to shows the domino effect of life’s big decisions with captivating art and biting humor.

Features 10 original illustrations by Ryn Gargulinski.

The Characters Series

The Characters Series is a delightful new presentation of a classic genre, character writing. Witty and pithy, the character sketches in this series bring to life the personalities we encounter every day—the boor, the coward, the bore, the gossip, the politician, the student, the child, and dozens more. Readers are sure to recognize the human foibles portrayed.

First written by Theophrastus of Eresos, this lively genre of moral psychology is both edifying and entertaining. Each psychological sketch captures a distinct character type in a few choice paragraphs. It is the editor’s hope that The Characters Series will spark a revival of this classic genre and inspire new character writing today. 

The first three titles in this series edited by Maude Spekes (Maggie Balistreri):

—The Boorish Man and other characters by Theophrastus

—A Detractor and other characters by John Earle

—A Tedious Man and other characters by Samuel Butler

SEE THE MERCH SECTION FOR BLANK BOOKS INCLUDING THE TO-DON’T LIST, AI’NT A NOTEBOOK, AND BARTLEBY’S ISOLATED VOCALS.